IgniteRaleigh went like this:
the spider is: happy
Allow me to explain. No, there is too much; let me sum up.
We got there. I saw people. I had bracelets thrust at me. I was all, "Hi, I'm..." and everyone was all, "ZOMG NERDGIRL," and I was like, "Hot damn!"
Then we had an orgy.
Then they told us some stuff and the doors were opened to the public! I hid in the green room, which was tiny and also cold, but they had bottled water, so that was cool. Sometimes I came out and said hi to Loren, Bronwen, and Nathaniel, but mostly I tried not to forget my lines or pass out or poop myself. Everyone was really, really nice, especially Lisa C-B. and Zach the MC and Jess and, well, fine, everyone, everyone from the friggin' barkeep all the way up to Miss NC USA were really goddamn nice. I did not pass out or poop myself, though I did seriously consider it.
Then we had an orgy.
Things got started! It was a PACKED house. All 702 reservations were booked up, though I suspect something closer to 600 or 650 people actually showed (and immediately began drinking). I didn't really see or hear the first three or four presentations, because I was number five of 19 and I was clutching my single green index card in my sweaty little claws like it was the colorless, odorless potion that would kill Ann Coulter once and for all.
No orgies were had.
At one point, I felt fairly certain that this would be the night the inevitable quadruple pulmonary embolism would turn my heart into wet shredded meat, which is right about the time Zach the MC swooped in for an embrace that channeled the loving light-essence of the Almighty him/her/itself. My heart did not explode.
Then we had an orgy.
I was introduced. I walked onstage! I did not faint. I did not die. I did not even vomit or look straight into the live feed and cry out, "MOMMY I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING I'M SCARED AND I WANT ANIMAL CRACKERS." People laughed at my jokes and my pretty pictures. More importantly, they understood my jokes and pretty pictures. I finished and there was lots of applause. I staggered offstage into a sea of embraces. Zach the MC asked me, "How did that feel?" to which I cried in ecstasy
Yes, yes, oh god, yes, ow ow ow wait a little to the lefthheeeere we go, "I kind of want to do it again!" Orgy?
I sat down with Loren and BroNate and listened to the rest of the talks. Sometimes I checked the Twitter feed, where people were saying shit like, "@cavaticat makes me proud to be a Nerdgirl!" and "@cavaticat's presentation just gave me chills" and "...there are nerdgirls that like Kirk?" (Probably not, but I like to be inclusive just in case.) I did not love all of the other talks, but I DID love Lisa's and Jess' and Jay's and Nadia's and Laurie's and the fucking AMAZING Pleasure Mechanics, who made sweet sweet love to our 1400 eyeholes. We laughed. We cried. We learned our hands are, like, 75 dicks.
And then we all had a motherfucking orgy.
Basically: it was a really fun night. A lot of us were pretty damn anxious at first, but that sort of settled as the night went on. I was, and am still, shocked and AWED by the unspoken mutual understanding that this whole damn thing was one big trust fall, but more dangerous and (necessarily) less lame. Everybody -- the audience, the hosts, the other presenters -- gave everyone else a steady shoulder and a fair shake. It was a really fast four hours. I am so proud of us all!
Since then, people have been tweeting me and emailing me to say shit like, "I have daughters and I was thinking of them as I watched your presentation," or to offer help with my site idea, or to, you know, say that Nerd Girls fucking rule. I was spouting off about it to the baristas at the Bean today, and hand to God, a guy sitting three feet from me turned around and said, "Your presentation was my favorite," and I was like, HOLY FUCK I AM RECOGNIZED. Am I Internet famous? When do I get my Internet money?
Thank you thank you THANK YOU to a) Everyone who voted for me and b) Everyone who tuned in to watch last night. And probably the biggest thank you in the WORLD goes to Lisa Creech Bledsoe, who Made Me Do It. She thinks her kids Facebook friended her because boxing makes her cool; I think her kids Facebook friended her because they know where their souls came from.
The event did get recorded and is available here in its near-entirety -- for some strange reason the first two presentations were omitted. If you want to watch me, you can skip ahead to a little after the 12 minute mark. The quality isn't great, but I suspect they're going to get these things cleaned up, chopped up, and edited into segments; when/if that happens, I will be SURE to let you guys know. Meanwhile, there's the video as it is, and my slides -- without my narration, but maybe useful to clarify whatever you didn't catch in the video.
Photos are available here and here; I'm sure there will be tons more to come. And if you still thirst for information, you can check out the #igniteraleigh hashtag on Twitter, the actual IgniteRaleigh account, or, you know, ye olde IgniteRaleigh.com. I'm sure THAT will be updated as the organizers recover.
Which is what I'm still doing, m'self.
Corsets. Amazing boots. Chicks who box. Gerbils on a rolly thingy. Dudes in tutus.